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[06 Feb 2010|07:44pm] |
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yup
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| happy birthday, be sure to listen to the song |
[17 Dec 2009|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) benjaminytay |
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music |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gr9J36wvfE |
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taylor.
taylor benjamin york. you're twenty-one years old today. i've been sitting here for the longest time, staring at my screen and watching the cursor blink, trying to decide what i want to say. this is a big one. this is huge. you're not the same kid that i met back in the day, i'm not the same girl, and we're not the same band. so many things have changed from point a to point b and we've been so many places, seen so many things. i don't think i could ever really sum up what you mean to me or the leaps and bounds our friendship has made, but i can damn well try, can't i?
the truth is, though, that i have illuminati by conditions on repeat and i really just. don't have any words. i don't know to how to string together the right syllables and consonants and vowels to make up what i want to say, or what i want you to get out of this. the only thing that i keep thinking is that 'home is where the heart is' and i think that's just. it. i don't know how i feel when i'm not around you because you've always been the one to keep me standing on my own two feet, the only person who has held me up the whole time yet made me feel like i was strong enough to do it myself if i had to. you are the one that caught everything i was trying to say the first time i showed you guys ignorance, you are the one that has always known what to say at the right time, you are the one that has always and will always be the number one on my speed dial and the first in my heart and that's just that.
i don't know at what point writing this stopped being what it was supposed to be (a birthday card) and turned into.... whatever it is now, but it's kind of a downer and i'm sorry for that. i just feel like you need to know how amazing you are. not that you need to know how amazing i think you are, but the fact that you actually are, 100%. you are the most wonderful person that god ever created and if there's one thing i will always know, it's that i am eternally blessed to call you my best friend. all i can really hope is that some of the beauty you carry in you can shine some light on me because all i've ever really wanted, as you probably know, was to live up to everyone's expecations though, mostly yours. i never want to let you down or hurt you even though that i know i have. i feel awful about it every day and i don't think i'll ever stop but i find solace in the fact that wherever i go, and wherever you go, i always have you with me and you always have me with you too. i'm easily confused, i so rarely know what i'm doing and i try to put my bravest face on but the bottom line is that you are one of the only people who have ever seen my cry and one of the only people i would ever actually let see me cry. you don't make me feel afraid. you make me feel like it really is going to be okay like everyone says, like the next day is going to be better and brighter and that's all because you're going to be in it. the amount that you make me smile is unrivaled, it's not like it's any big secret my face totally lights up when you walk into the room right? it makes me smile just knowing you're out there somewhere, even when we're not together.
i'd never want to live a day without you, taylor.
i just. i love you. and home is where my heart is, because you are my home and my heart is with you. don't ever forget that, okay?
you've been on this earth for twenty-one years and every year that we have been together for that journey has been the best of my life. i dream about all the places we're going to go and the next twenty-one years we can spend together. i could write a million songs, torn pieces of paper with lyrics scribbled all over, half sung melodies in my head, but they could never amount to how i feel about you and the person you are. you're the ultimate. you are my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. you're the silver lining on my cloud. you're the the main reason i keep doing what i do. i could never, in a million years, thank you enough. i don't care if things are always going to be complicated on some level, i honestly don't give a fuck about what anyone says or thinks or anything else about our friendship. you are, quite simply, the only person i've ever given everything to and i guess that's just how it goes. i don't mind though, you can keep what you want and throw away what you don't. all i really want to do is make you happy and i really hope you know that. your happiness = my happiness, but i would spend each and every day miserable if it meant i could see you smile.
this was insanely serious and really long so i'm sorry for that, but i guess all i'm trying to say is that i love you and i'd rather spend every night with you laughing and talking and eating cake than do anything else with anyone else.
happy birthday, taylor benjamin.
love,
hayley nichole
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